Originally Posted On beatchuckie.blogspot.com August 14, 2018
Author: Wings
#5
Jose Ortiz a.k.a. Weege
Last Season’s Finish: 6-8, 5th Place
Claim to Fame: One of the biggest Chuck conspiracy theorists, believes the league is rigged but still pays up every year to lose another season. May have Stockholom Syndrome issues.
Plans to Use Fantasy Winnings on: A Tom Brady Jersey
Recap: Unfortunately, the WR duo of Julio and Dez working came to an end the season Weege decided to try the experiment out. Outside of Jordan Reed, injuries never hurt his team but they never quite fired on all cylinders, especially down the stretch, going 1-7 in the final 8 weeks of the season. Weege needs to build a team with good chemistry but drafting Tom Brady after all the news of his beef with the front office will probably do the opposite to his fantasy locker room.
BIGGEST STORYLINE: Weege has been one of the most anti-Chuck protesters of the league since its earliest existence. While I may be the free sports media trying to uncover the truth- Weege is the agent on the ground making things happen. He may not be the best at fantasy but he did better than me so I have my hopes in him as the dark horse for the playoffs and give people the blessing of colluding with him against the one they call Chuck.
#6
Erik Naranjo a.k.a. Single Erik
Last Season’s Finish: 5-9, 6th Place
Claim to Fame: Runner up for SIMP of the year 2011. Has a million girls thirsting for him but they all just want him for his dog.
Plans to Use Fantasy Winnings on: Premium Porn Accounts he will share with the writer of this blog for better power rankings.
Recap: After a playoff run in the 2016 season, Erik had a disappointing 0-5 start to last season, essentially killing any chances of returning to the show. Aaron Rodgers’ injury hampered Jordy Nelson and both Greg Olsen and Tyler Eifert sustained injuries leaving a hole at Tight End that hampered his performance.
BIGGEST STORYLINE: I hope this year proves a Hot Take I’ve been sitting on that single Erik is better at fantasy football than wifed up Erik.
#7
Andrew Alas a.k.a. Wings
Last Season’s Finish: 5-9, 7th place
Claim to Fame: Writes fantasy sports blogs to procrastinate from doing his actual job work. Still tries to ride the coattails of a Championship from 4 seasons ago.
Plans to Use Fantasy Winnings on:Top-of-the-line fleshlight with 5 interchangeable textures and fast recharging battery
Recap: I was completely irrelevant for most of the season, having suffered two losing streaks for four or more. Not to mention that David Johnson’s death week 1 screwed me from the get-go (I also was the dude that had faith in Terelle Pryor and took him round 4 (LOL).
BIGGEST STORYLINE: I’m just here for the entertainment. My fantasy record will probably be trash but as long as I get laughs out of it I’ll call it a success in my book. I’ll be here going full Alex Jones with the anti-Chuck consipiracies, give me a reason not to have him number 1 in the power rankings every week.
#8
Anthony Perez a.k.a. Toe Goblin
Last Season’s Finish: 3-11, King of Trash
Claim to Fame: A real bro, drafted all the injury players. I guess you don’t like me or something cause you didnt draft David Johnson for me. So I guess theres smoke.
Plans to Use Fantasy Winnings on:A Taser for when Chuck pushes him too far
Recap: I’m pretty sure Anthony drafted his team on an indian burial ground, it’s really astounding that the season’s biggest injuries (Aaron Rodgers, OBJ, Dalvin Cook, JJ Watt) all came at the expense of a huge chunk of Anthony’s top draft picks. Not many people can come back from that, a meh trade did not help and Anthony faded into obscurity.
BIGGEST STORYLINE: The world is yours, literally the only way it could get worse is if you win less than 3 games and become the Browns of the league…. *not jinxing you*