Originally Posted On beatchuckie.blogspot.com December 6, 2018
Author: Wings
Welcome to week 14, fellas. To the 80% of the league that has the privilege to be here, congratulations! This postseason is looking to be eons better than last year’s affair, as not only have we doubled the amount of playoff contenders, but any team on the bracket but Nauch has a realistic shot to at least make it to the next round, if not take it all. Anyways, let me not drone on any longer and lets get into the action.
POWER RANKINGS
1. Erik (0-0)
It’s a clean slate now that we’re in the postseason, fellas, and that means a fresh new top dog heading into the elimination weeks. Erik, at the moment, looks to have one of the best teams and the easiest paths to the championship game, facing off against an inconsistent and oft-injured team in Ant’s squad. Despite a slump mid-season, Erik has won 6 straight and has only had one sub-160 game since then. The only thing that can stop him is himself, as he keeps tempting fate and is publicly thirsting for a Disneyland date on Twitter. May God have mercy on him.
Ace in the Hole: It’s obviously gotta be CMC. The man’s been a juggernaut all season and arguably the best pick in the draft. Cleveland-New Orleans-Atlanta is also a pretty solid schedule for him to score off of.
2. Chuck (0-0)
Chuck may not have cracked the top 3 that often this season, but the playoffs are his home. If there’s anything that gives this guy an edge, it’s the experience of watching him dick people raw with supreme playoff performances. He is nowhere near as powerful as he was last season, and I’m not saying Nick Chubb is gonna put up Todd Gurley numbers, but I will never truly count this guy out until it’s Tuesday morning and the score tells me it’ll all be okay. That being said, Chuckie also has an extremely favorable first-round matchup vs. Nauch on paper, and a generally easier path to the championship because of it.
Ace in the Hole: The Edelman/Gordon combo. Yeah Barkley is gonna go off and Allen has looked solid in the second half of the season, but Chuckie’s championship hopes will solely rest on his Pats wideouts to crank up the offense as the season draws to a close and they get a lovely trio of Miami-Pittsburgh-Buffalo, all teams the Pats have historically done very well in dicking once the weather turns cold.
3. Joe (0-0)
Joe had it all. The job, car, the girl, and the fantasy team. Then, it all came crashing down in a short couple of days. Now, with his star RB cut and his other star RB likely out for a couple of weeks, Joe is down to starting his Other other star RB and two high-upside flexes. All jokes aside, Joe’s remarkable depth at RB has proven to be his savior this season and means that, despite being projected to lose, should still put up a fight round one versus Gio and by no means should be counted out. If Conner can come back in time, Joe is still the 1 seed and with that the privilege of playing the “worst” team left standing if me makes it to the subsequent rounds.
Ace in the Hole: Mr. Amari Cooper has started to surge at the right time for Joe. Thielen, while still one of the best WRs drafted, has started to lose steam, but this slack is starting to get picked up by Coop, who has found a home where his potential is now maximized and with a team that is hot and plays Tampa Bay championship week.
4. Gio (0-0)
When life gives our boy Gio lemons, he makes some lemonade. Fuck up your back because you were busy on the groupchat during Employee Orientation? Gets to fuck around at a thrift store and can now focus on managing his social media accounts full-time. Lose Melvin Gordon at a pivotal time in the season? Intentionally lose to secure a seed versus a team also having a bad end to the regular season… and pick up not one but BOTH the handcuffs to Joe’s running backs. We’re all playing checkers and Gio is playing 7-D Underwater Scrabble. However, this 8 seed also comes with a difficult path to make playoffs due to the fact he’s been prone to losing big games all season… 2-5 versus the top 5 seeds this season…
Ace in the Hole: David Johnson looked as if he was gonna make me regret letting Chuck push the trade through after that scandal was all said and done. But he has come back down to Earth the last couple of weeks to leave the jury out on him. DJ certainly still has the TALENT to be an RB1, but is still getting jewed by a crappy offense that makes him inconsistent. DJ performing well will give Gio at least one dependable starter has he juggles AP and two unproven handcuffs. If Gio’s still kicking once Gordon comes back, he could enter the next two rounds with a 2017 chuck-esque RB rotation.
5. Hurtado (0-0)
Hurtado, my man. Once a 1-4 team and compared to the likes of Weege and Roberto (may they Rest in Peace), I took pity on him and reached out to him, recommending him to start listening to the Fantasy Footballers to try to get his team right. While I’m proud to see that it worked out in his favor, it’s only fitting that round one comes down to me and him. He definitely has the upside in this contest, and the 4 seed makes all the difference versus the 5 seed if he can advance. GG.
Ace in the Hole: Denver’s defense. You picked them up a few weeks back with the intent of taking advantage of the very juicy end-of-season schedule vs San Francisco-Cleveland-Oakland. Now time to see if it pays off.
6. Wings (0-0)
To continue the narrative from above, I must now destroy the very beast I helped create. Me and Hurtado have a history as storied as some of the great rivalries of sports. Any time we have encountered each other in an event with any remotely competitive aspect, the stakes were always greater than it, there was always something greater, more metaphysical, on the line. This playoff matchup is the culmination of this dynamic, which, despite the time and distance, still burns with a passion– I can still become irrationally angry at something as frivolous as fucking Mario Party if this dude is involved. I cannot predict the outcome of the week, but what I do know is one of us will be really really salty for like 2 days.
Ace in the Hole: Kerryon my wayward son, for there’ll be wins when you can run. Kerryon was my sleeper pick of the draft, and for a glorious few weeks, he looked like he was poised for his breakout. Now, he is nowhere to be found after a knee injury that likely keeps him out this week versus a very favorable matchup against Arizona. His return is vital to any chance of me making playoffs, until the it is next man up.
7. Ant (0-0)
Ant’s had a roller coaster of a season and seems to have carried the injury bug into this season as he has continued to battle his starting players having to deal with them. This week, we see Emmanuel Sanders likely being out for the season and Matt Breida missing his first start since high school as his body has finally given in to the myriad of crap thrown at it. Pair that with a matchup versus Erik round one, and you have a tall order. He do have a few things going for him. Since week 10 his team has been trending upwards and the acquisitions of Chuck’s sloppy seconds in Aaron Jones and Sony Michel have definitely contributed to that. I’m not saying winning is impossible, just improbable.
Ace in the Hole: Now would be as good of a time as ever for Gronk to show up. Just as Chuck needs his Pats to step up as they normally do at this time, it’s time for Gronk to show some second-round value, especially with literally no better options available.
8. Nauch (0-0)
Yer fucked.
Ace in the Hole: Yer fucked.
MY PREDICTIONS- Round One
(1) Joe vs (8) Gio
Gio begins his Cinderella story and knocks off the one seed in a not-so-shocking upset.
(2) Erik vs (7) Ant
Erik makes up for the fact he is likely getting eliminated in the first round in dynasty and crushes Ant.
(3) Chuck vs (6) Nauch
Chuck will work his black magic and ironically beat Nauch by 1 point. Poetic Justice.
(4) Hurtado vs (5) Wings
GG.
PROJECTED ROUND 2:
(1) Erik vs. (4) Gio
(2) Chuck vs. (3) Hurtado